...go to...who? Which child gets all that? You know the experts all have something to say. "Only children often develop better verbal skills and excel in school because they are read to more often than children with siblings, she said. " says an ABC article on the subject of only children http://i.abcnews.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/Story?id=2178396&page=1 Oddly enough, here I thought the more kids I had the more read to they were. I mean each and every one gets read to by myself and Brian. But the older kids can read to themselves, but can also read to siblings. As much as some people would like us to believe that helping with younger siblings is such a "hassle", I can't seem to convince my kids of that. A toddler carrying a book around our house usually ends in, "Do you want sissy to read that to you?...come here and sit with me". Of course the toddlers are usually excited to hear yet another story, but even if they aren't my 9 yr old has been known to chase them down anyway. Even the toddlers who can't read are more than eager to "read" to the baby. When my 9 yr old was having some trouble learning so more reluctant to read, she was always more than happy to read to a little one, great advantage to both. Now when my 1st grade niece comes over she loves to show off her reading skills to the little ones. Now with 2 parents, 4 older siblings and 5 older cousins very close by I don't think there are babies who get read to more.
But what about other things? Experts say at least a 5 year gap results in children who excell better academically. Remind me to tell my 2 straight A honors students when they get home. On the other end of the spectrum though Pope John Paul II said it is far worse to deprive a child of a sibling than material posessions. Of course tell that to the kids too.
So really, who has the greater advantage? When I had but 1 child she did have all my attention. She also had all my money: gymboree classes, mommy and me swim, playgroups, playground, drop everything, wait for nothing. But she also was the source of my learning, the source of all my expectations, pushing to grow up just eager to see that next milestone. She was also stuck playing with me because there were no other kids in the house. I used to clean to make sure we got rid of all those germs that could make her sick, during that time she played alone. You can be told a thousand times to really slow down and enjoy those days. But until you really experience it you cannot know how fast they really do fly by. So here you rush to a day at the zoo, playgroup, storytime, disney world, the beach, and more. Of course that doesn't mean that every night she wasn't cuddled, she wasn't read to, or rocked. Of course every night that happened. And there was a lot less cleaning to do, a lot more time to play.
Fast forward 12 years to the other extreme. #5 spends the morning without undivided attention in the high chair eating finger foods instead of being spoon fed, while I unload the dishwasher and make several other breakfasts. I do still talk to her though, in between conversations with the other kids and bites of my own breakfast. She does though get 2 more kisses from older siblings on their way out the door to school. She then spends her morning (at least this morning) being played with and entertained (maybe a little tortured by) by a cute 4 yr old, who she has the undivided attention of: "...look at you, your standing up, I knew you could do it, oh do you want this toy, here let me show you how to do it, uh oh you fell down, thats ok now you can play with this..." Soon it's naptime, everything stops so she can still be rocked to sleep. After 4 other kids, I know this will be so short lived so I am that much slower and more reluctant to put her down (ok fine, I admit, she's asleep on my lap). What's the rest of the day to bring? more finger food, maybe a ride on mommy's back while we let the other kids go for a fun walk, playing in the grass while mommy plays catch with a 4 or 9 year old, being taught the
"baby tango" by a 9 year old, being comforted by a 12 yr old while mommy cooks dinner, or sleeping peacefully on mommy's shoulder while mommy and a 12 year old read. I am pretty sure amoung those things there will not be uncomforted tears or a lack or entertainment, and who could ever have too much love.
Oh yes, some of the above implied an older sibling helped, yep, more of that "hassle". I think there is a big difference though between an overburdon of a tween babysitting constantly and the volunteering of a loving sibling. Yep, that's right, I said volunteering. In this house it's rare for me to "ask" a sibling to help. Maybe a second here and there, "can you hold the baby while I run out to the van in the rain to grab her pacifier". But more often it is a content baby playing on the floor, mommy runs to the restroom and baby suddenly fusses and a face or 2 are instantly entertaining. Or baby playing while mommy cooks dinner, baby cries, mommy rushes to finish something real quick but an older child is already swooping her up, "it's ok, I'll get her" mommy says, the response "but she's crying" as they swoop her up and steal some sweat baby snuggles. Yep, and when their friends come over, they're all pretty jealous of that "hassle"
I'd love to babble on more about all the sweet things you see when you sit back and quietly watch the siblings interactions but I hear a 4 yr old teaching a 2 yr old something so I can't help but run to take a peek.
But what about other things? Experts say at least a 5 year gap results in children who excell better academically. Remind me to tell my 2 straight A honors students when they get home. On the other end of the spectrum though Pope John Paul II said it is far worse to deprive a child of a sibling than material posessions. Of course tell that to the kids too.
So really, who has the greater advantage? When I had but 1 child she did have all my attention. She also had all my money: gymboree classes, mommy and me swim, playgroups, playground, drop everything, wait for nothing. But she also was the source of my learning, the source of all my expectations, pushing to grow up just eager to see that next milestone. She was also stuck playing with me because there were no other kids in the house. I used to clean to make sure we got rid of all those germs that could make her sick, during that time she played alone. You can be told a thousand times to really slow down and enjoy those days. But until you really experience it you cannot know how fast they really do fly by. So here you rush to a day at the zoo, playgroup, storytime, disney world, the beach, and more. Of course that doesn't mean that every night she wasn't cuddled, she wasn't read to, or rocked. Of course every night that happened. And there was a lot less cleaning to do, a lot more time to play.
Fast forward 12 years to the other extreme. #5 spends the morning without undivided attention in the high chair eating finger foods instead of being spoon fed, while I unload the dishwasher and make several other breakfasts. I do still talk to her though, in between conversations with the other kids and bites of my own breakfast. She does though get 2 more kisses from older siblings on their way out the door to school. She then spends her morning (at least this morning) being played with and entertained (maybe a little tortured by) by a cute 4 yr old, who she has the undivided attention of: "...look at you, your standing up, I knew you could do it, oh do you want this toy, here let me show you how to do it, uh oh you fell down, thats ok now you can play with this..." Soon it's naptime, everything stops so she can still be rocked to sleep. After 4 other kids, I know this will be so short lived so I am that much slower and more reluctant to put her down (ok fine, I admit, she's asleep on my lap). What's the rest of the day to bring? more finger food, maybe a ride on mommy's back while we let the other kids go for a fun walk, playing in the grass while mommy plays catch with a 4 or 9 year old, being taught the
"baby tango" by a 9 year old, being comforted by a 12 yr old while mommy cooks dinner, or sleeping peacefully on mommy's shoulder while mommy and a 12 year old read. I am pretty sure amoung those things there will not be uncomforted tears or a lack or entertainment, and who could ever have too much love.
Oh yes, some of the above implied an older sibling helped, yep, more of that "hassle". I think there is a big difference though between an overburdon of a tween babysitting constantly and the volunteering of a loving sibling. Yep, that's right, I said volunteering. In this house it's rare for me to "ask" a sibling to help. Maybe a second here and there, "can you hold the baby while I run out to the van in the rain to grab her pacifier". But more often it is a content baby playing on the floor, mommy runs to the restroom and baby suddenly fusses and a face or 2 are instantly entertaining. Or baby playing while mommy cooks dinner, baby cries, mommy rushes to finish something real quick but an older child is already swooping her up, "it's ok, I'll get her" mommy says, the response "but she's crying" as they swoop her up and steal some sweat baby snuggles. Yep, and when their friends come over, they're all pretty jealous of that "hassle"
I'd love to babble on more about all the sweet things you see when you sit back and quietly watch the siblings interactions but I hear a 4 yr old teaching a 2 yr old something so I can't help but run to take a peek.
