All the Advantages...

...go to...who? Which child gets all that? You know the experts all have something to say. "Only children often develop better verbal skills and excel in school because they are read to more often than children with siblings, she said. " says an ABC article on the subject of only children http://i.abcnews.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/Story?id=2178396&page=1 Oddly enough, here I thought the more kids I had the more read to they were. I mean each and every one gets read to by myself and Brian. But the older kids can read to themselves, but can also read to siblings. As much as some people would like us to believe that helping with younger siblings is such a "hassle", I can't seem to convince my kids of that. A toddler carrying a book around our house usually ends in, "Do you want sissy to read that to you?...come here and sit with me". Of course the toddlers are usually excited to hear yet another story, but even if they aren't my 9 yr old has been known to chase them down anyway. Even the toddlers who can't read are more than eager to "read" to the baby. When my 9 yr old was having some trouble learning so more reluctant to read, she was always more than happy to read to a little one, great advantage to both. Now when my 1st grade niece comes over she loves to show off her reading skills to the little ones. Now with 2 parents, 4 older siblings and 5 older cousins very close by I don't think there are babies who get read to more.

But what about other things? Experts say at least a 5 year gap results in children who excell better academically. Remind me to tell my 2 straight A honors students when they get home. On the other end of the spectrum though Pope John Paul II said it is far worse to deprive a child of a sibling than material posessions. Of course tell that to the kids too.

So really, who has the greater advantage? When I had but 1 child she did have all my attention. She also had all my money: gymboree classes, mommy and me swim, playgroups, playground, drop everything, wait for nothing. But she also was the source of my learning, the source of all my expectations, pushing to grow up just eager to see that next milestone. She was also stuck playing with me because there were no other kids in the house. I used to clean to make sure we got rid of all those germs that could make her sick, during that time she played alone. You can be told a thousand times to really slow down and enjoy those days. But until you really experience it you cannot know how fast they really do fly by. So here you rush to a day at the zoo, playgroup, storytime, disney world, the beach, and more. Of course that doesn't mean that every night she wasn't cuddled, she wasn't read to, or rocked. Of course every night that happened. And there was a lot less cleaning to do, a lot more time to play.

Fast forward 12 years to the other extreme. #5 spends the morning without undivided attention in the high chair eating finger foods instead of being spoon fed, while I unload the dishwasher and make several other breakfasts. I do still talk to her though, in between conversations with the other kids and bites of my own breakfast. She does though get 2 more kisses from older siblings on their way out the door to school. She then spends her morning (at least this morning) being played with and entertained (maybe a little tortured by) by a cute 4 yr old, who she has the undivided attention of: "...look at you, your standing up, I knew you could do it, oh do you want this toy, here let me show you how to do it, uh oh you fell down, thats ok now you can play with this..." Soon it's naptime, everything stops so she can still be rocked to sleep. After 4 other kids, I know this will be so short lived so I am that much slower and more reluctant to put her down (ok fine, I admit, she's asleep on my lap). What's the rest of the day to bring? more finger food, maybe a ride on mommy's back while we let the other kids go for a fun walk, playing in the grass while mommy plays catch with a 4 or 9 year old, being taught the
"baby tango" by a 9 year old, being comforted by a 12 yr old while mommy cooks dinner, or sleeping peacefully on mommy's shoulder while mommy and a 12 year old read. I am pretty sure amoung those things there will not be uncomforted tears or a lack or entertainment, and who could ever have too much love.

Oh yes, some of the above implied an older sibling helped, yep, more of that "hassle". I think there is a big difference though between an overburdon of a tween babysitting constantly and the volunteering of a loving sibling. Yep, that's right, I said volunteering. In this house it's rare for me to "ask" a sibling to help. Maybe a second here and there, "can you hold the baby while I run out to the van in the rain to grab her pacifier". But more often it is a content baby playing on the floor, mommy runs to the restroom and baby suddenly fusses and a face or 2 are instantly entertaining. Or baby playing while mommy cooks dinner, baby cries, mommy rushes to finish something real quick but an older child is already swooping her up, "it's ok, I'll get her" mommy says, the response "but she's crying" as they swoop her up and steal some sweat baby snuggles. Yep, and when their friends come over, they're all pretty jealous of that "hassle"

I'd love to babble on more about all the sweet things you see when you sit back and quietly watch the siblings interactions but I hear a 4 yr old teaching a 2 yr old something so I can't help but run to take a peek.

Family Size

Am I the only one stuck in the middle of too big to be normal but too small to be so crazy you get a TV show lol? It seems like a "large" family varies so much. By who you are, where you live, who you hang out with, and even day by day. I mean you go from, "oh an only child?" to the "average" family, then you move on to the next step in "average" when your 3 kids now outnumber the parents. After that 4 is some phenomenum that people only think happens by accident or when you are trying for "that" boy (or girl). Of course once you get that "you are stopping now that you got your boy (or girl), right". So when you have 5 people start to think (with a dropped jaw) you really are one of those crazy people with a bigger than "average" family.

But if you start looking at "large" families, you find the families you see on TV: Jon and Kate plus 8, Table for 12, Kids by the Dozen, 18 kids and counting, (and I am sure Octomom will be in there one day), etc. Hey, maybe I have a small family? That is until I go to Walmart and get the dropped jaws, and the older 2 are even still at school.

So what constitutes a "large" family? The U.S. Census Bureau doesn't offer an official definition of large families, said spokewoman Angela Baker. The bureau's data on children, however, does provide information on siblings. According to the bureau, about 21 percent of children have no siblings, about 39 percent have one sibling, about 25 percent have two siblings, about 10 percent have three siblings and 5 percent have four or more siblings.

I guess I am part of the 5% of parents whose kids have 4 or more siblings. But not large enough to make money off it. I am one of the families too large for a single hotel room but not so big I have to drive a large passenger van. Big enough to draw stares but not so big that I don't still have to take them all out in public every day. I guess I'm a small, large family.

Oh and PS, I am perfectly fine right there.

traveling with many

Well in the planning stages I started saying that planning a trip with/for 5 kids was like planning a convention. As much as we enjoyed Pittsburgh it was hard to plan. Few hotels on the side Brian's work was on so we had to debate considerably about location and hotel suitability. Since for 7 people you need a minimum of a suite (in other words 2 beds and a sofabed). Usually we stay at a Homewood Suites but Pittsburgh seems to be lacking them. We ended up staying 40 minutes from his work so he had to rent a car, no way the kids could do 4 hours a day in the car. Then of course you hate to give bigger families any stigma so want the kids to not disturb anyone but here they are cooped up in a room. We all know kids need exercise and fresh air.

Before the trip I already believed that with 5 kids the probability of someone being upset or, at the very least, loud in the car is a minimum of 5 times higher. So I was quite happy for the decent trip there. The kids were really good at the hotel. But I definitely believe that traveling with babies or toddlers has stages. The first 1-2 nights you have traveling excitement and adrenaline to carry you through the sleeplessness of them getting used to sleeping elsewhere. The next 1 or 2 are hard though, thats gone and they aren't quite adapted, plus the previous nights are catching up with you. After that they do better but you still need to catch up. By the time you are ready to go home they are sleeping well and you aren't as exhausted.

I think the suite would have worked great for an average family of 7. But I wish I hadn't given in to Brian nor paid attention to the hotels limit of 5 in a King Suite. We had 2 double beds and a sofa bed. Anna, Joey and I in 1 double, Brian and Sarah in 1, Emma and Becca on the sofabed. 2 babies and I is a tight squeeze in a double, especially with pillows to prevent roll off. At home we have 3 kids and us in a queen bed with 2 side cars so I thought a king, with or without the cosleeper would have been perfect. Of course Emma and Becca, being such loving siblings had their own issues of someone rolling over, somone touching me, someones feet too far over, etc etc. I think we need a cot for one of them, pretty pitiful. 2 or 3 nights Becca insisted on being with us so slept on the sofa cushions on the floor in our room. Emma liked that, a big bed to herself, well until Becca decided to start sleeping with her again.

Of course, when on a trip, no matter how many times you swear they will go to bed on time, the hecticness knocks you off at some point. I didn't pay for it the 1st day I let them, the 2nd getting them into bed was hard but the next day was fine. That 3rd though, we paid for it. I know it could have been worse. But Becca losing it in the car was not my cup of tea. She didn't hurt anyone really, well I haven't had our hearing tested to be sure but we all appear to still be hearing. But Brian started melting down too (you see why I can call him a 6th child sometimes). I would love to say lesson learned, but I've been there done that, learned the lesson and still done it again.

I do get over a month off before we have to travel again. Am I crazy to be looking forward to the 3 trips in June?

Introduction

OK, I watch all those new family shows: Jon and Kate plus 8, Table for 12, 18 kids and counting, etc. But they leave out some of the gore I feel, OK maybe I want to believe they leave out the gore so I don't feel alone in mine lol. I do wonder how they got so lucky as to have 18 easy kids.

Everyone has an opinion, random musings to share. As a mommy who is a little different than them or the other blogs I read I thought I'd jump on my own soapbox. I already host blogs for groups or bragging so figured this was a good a place as any.

So to make it easy let me introduce myself. I am a SC mother to 5, how I was able to try 5 times and never get that "average" child is beyond me. I am married to a man, enough said. OK maybe not, he does help, from what I have seen/heard/read probably even more than many men. But he is a man. He works full time, he goes to school, he travels, and sometimes he is blind or deaf to whats around him. I stay home, I have been home for 13 years. That is probably the best way to describe me, since 13 years is long enough to lose your identity somewhere. So I am "mom", one day my kids will grow up and maybe when I go back to school, get a job, or just have a midlife crisis I will find my identity again. For now I am happy with my job title (for the most part).

The kids, I guess I might as well start at the beginning. Emily is 12 ( almost 13). She is very gifted academically, enjoys the computer, legos and lego robotics, reading, soccer, and plays the cello. I am quite blessed that she only has a small tween/teen attitude that only appeared in the past year or 2 unlike all the kids I see with one at 7 or 8. She is helpful, independant but just as everyone has strengths and weaknesses I would say grace and common sense are her weaknesses.

Rebecca can take up a whole blog herself. She is 9, very sweet, helpful, and loving. But she also has ADHD and childhood onset Bipolar Disorder. If there was a real life Dr Jekyl and Mr (or Mrs as the case may be) Hyde this would be the closest you get to it. What does she like? Well she is passionate to say the least, so she likes just about everything. Being a monkey, climbing trees (and anything else), tumbling, jumping on the trampoline, and also playing legos, sports, bike riding, scootering. I wish that she liked reading more though. At least she does well in school too.

Sarah is 4, too smart for her own good. Thinks she's a big girl (shhh, let me believe she will always be a baby). Learns what she wants though. Got her letters (upper and lower) and their sounds from watching a video 2, maybe 3 times at age 2, could read her numbers too yet when she "counted" she always skipped 5-8 until recently and saying her ABCs l, m, n, o became "ellamemo". Needless to say she has a minor ariculation delay she goes to speech once a week for. She is not the most athletic of the bunch either, gotta have a weakness somewhere.

Joseph is 2 and who knows where his personality goes. He is sweet and laid back but boy can he ger MAD. He doesn't talk so has early intervention once a week and speech twice, seems to also have some sensory issues going on. He is all boy, liking tools, trucks and balls. He steers great, rides a big scooter already or terrorizes on his toddler one and watch out for him on a power wheels. Yet he is a mommas boy and likes to suck on his finger and cuddle to sleep.

Anna is 8 months old now. A bit lazy, finally started crawling a few weeks ago, my latest. She is usually known as the baby that smiles all the time. But trust me, she is not always that happy.

Parenting, I don't like labels. I might be considered an attachment parent but in some areas we are extreme (we have 2 sidecarred cribs to co sleep with 3 of the kids) and others we aren't (we yend to only breastfeed till 12-18 months). Not natural either but do take advantage of some homeopathy. We are practicing Catholics so at times that may come into play but this won't be a catholic view blog aimed at that but you have to know it effects our life. I wish stay at home mom actually meant that, but it doesn't, thats OK though, I'd get cabin fever.

Well that should get you started with a cheat sheet, gotta go as the therapist will be here soon.